Author: Shmee

Oh man, I have been dreading this day.  Today is the day that I review the 2014 film Pompeii distributed by TriStar Pictures.  What is sad about this movie is that it could have been a mindless action/disaster movie and been okay, but instead it is just all around bad.  The acting is bad, the special effects are bad, and you guessed it the script is bad.  That is the trifecta of bad.  I should expect no less (more?) of Paul W. S. Anderson.  He has a true gift for making terrible movies.

The story is about a young Celt named Milo (Kit Harington) who watches his family get butchered by the Romans and then is forced to become a gladiator.  He becomes a premier fighter and is moved to Pompeii where he falls for the Governor’s daughter (Emily Browning).  She is also being wooed (poorly) by Senator Quintas Attius Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland) who just happens to be the guy responsible for killing Milo’s family.  None of this really matters because they are all going to get killed by a Volcano.

Oh man this movie.  Really it is a Gladiator ripoff with a little Titanic thrown in for good measure.  Now I understand that there has to be some sort of story so we care about the people running from the fiery ash at the end of this movie.  Sadly, you don’t because they are all very stupid and one note.  You have to watch them make dumb move after dumb move until the end.  I wish at that point they would stop being dumb, but no, they continue to hold their grudges and act out their stupid storylines while the city is falling down around them.  Luckily for them the Volcano will stop erupting for them to have their epic(?) face-offs.

Normally with a script this terrible I give the cast a pass.  I mean there is only so much you can do with something like this, but these people all find ways to add to the garbage pile.  Harrington always looks like a sad puppy.  Browning looks confused, but best (worst) of all is Sutherland.  He tries his best to have a British accent (never mind that he should be trying to have an Italian one), but it is awful, but he does it with such gusto that it is almost funny.  Almost.  No one comes out looking good in this film.

The special effects artists deserve a Razzie for their work in this film.  I have never seen so many obvious green-screen shots in my life.  It was like watching a 90s made for TV Sci-Fi movie.  I was blown away with how bad everything looked.  If this was on the Discovery Channel or something maybe it would be passible, but for a big budget film it is inexcusable.

I have spent way too much time writing about this film, but all you need to know is that it is terrible.  It isn’t even so bad it is good, and I love those types of films, no this movie fails at even that.  Don’t watch Pompeii.  It is an hour and a half of your life that you will never get back.  Everyone who was part of this movie should feel bad about themselves.

When Disney decided to make the 2014 movie Maleficent, I was skeptical, but then I saw the perfect casting of Angelina Jolie, and I become hopeful.  While Jolie was amazing, I wish the rest of this film could have pulled its weight a little.  This movie grinds to a halt when she is not on the screen, luckily since she is the star that is not often, but still it keeps this movie from becoming great.

The film is a retelling of the Disney version of Sleeping Beauty, but instead of following Aurora, we fallow the titular Maleficent, and that change of focus changes the story quite a bit.  Instead of a villain, Maleficent becomes a tragic hero, and the forlorn King Stefan takes the role of evil doer.

This shift in roles make sense considering following a straight up villain would be a hard movie to write, let alone market to families, but I felt it was unfortunate.  Maleficent is one of Disney’s greatest, if not the greatest, villains of all time, so to cast her as a hero made her loose some of that mystique.  Now she was simply betrayed and misunderstood not dastardly and wicked.

Still that is not the main strike against this film, no that would be its pacing issues.  There is a lot of nothing happening in this film.  It takes awhile for Aurora to grow up, and for her and Maleficent to bond.  That would be fine if it was interesting, but even though it spends so much time doing it, it almost seems like it is a montage and glosses over it at the same time.  It doesn’t dig deep enough to excuse the running time.

The other problem is that beside Jolie, no other character is given anything to do.  Elle Fanning as Aurora just gets to be chipper and wide eyed.  King Stefan played by Sharlto Copley gets to be crazy and evil.  No one is given anything to work with.  They are just window dressing for Jolie’s Maleficent.

Jolie was wonderful, so it almost saves the film.  It did for my wife, and a few other friends I know, but it didn’t quite do it for me.  Maybe I was just hoping for something else.  A true villain movie, but whatever the reason this movie could never find its footing.  Considering how successful this movie was, I am sure Disney will try again with another villain, and maybe they will figure it all out next time.