How Did The Gods Of Egypt Get Made?!

Some movies deserve long reviews to talk about their significance, acting, storytelling, or to get to the root of the movie’s message.  Gods of Egypt is not such a movie.  It is all bad:  the acting is bad, the special effects are bad, the story is bad, the cinematography is bad, and to top it all off it is racist and sexist, which is bad.  Granted it is so bad that if you know what you are in for you may have a good time trashing it with your buddies.  To some up, it is the opposite of good.

What is baffling about all of this is that it was greenlit in the first place!  And not just greenlit but given a $140 Million budget, so it was a major movie for Lionsgate.  With some insiders even saying that executives hoped that Gods of Egypt would be the franchise to replace Hunger Games.  What?!  I can’t believe so many people had so much faith in this movie.  Had Wrath of the Titans been a success, maybe, but it was a failure.

Now I could see making a fun little sword and sandals movie based on Egyptian culture instead of the usual Greek based tale, and then amp up the cheese, give it a small to medium budget, and I am sure it would have played well enough.  It probably also would have been wise to cast at least a few Egyptians to be in the movie, but $140 Million with almost a completely white cast?  Surely someone must have told them that this was a bad idea.

In the end Gods of Egypt got the box office result and critical lashing it deserved, but if you are looking for a movie for Bad Movie Night, they don’t come much worse than this, and from a major studio to boot.  However, that is the only circumstance where Gods of Egypt gets any sort of recommendation.  I wish I could have been in the meeting where Lionsgate’s executive group agreed that Gods of Egypt deserved their full support.

Shmee Revisits Morrowind!

Thanks to The Elder Scrolls Online announcing the new Morrowind expansion, I got a little nostalgic, and I decided to fire up The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind and relive one of my all time favorite games.  It was not an easy process.  The first problem was that Morrowind was not designed for 64-bit computers with more than 4GB of RAM, so I had to get a mod to get it working.  Then due to the high resolution of my monitor (according to Morrowind), I had to download a new font pack, and since I was doing all that anyway, I decided to download a few mods that tweak the game’s gameplay balance, fix bugs, and improve the game’s visuals and sound.  Two hours later Morrowind was up and running on my PC.

I was ready to dive in.  All I had to do was open the trap door to the prison boat I was on…  It took about me about 30 minutes to figure out that the the ‘use’ button and the ‘activate’ button are different (The first time I played Morrowind was on the Original Xbox).  It turns out you ‘activate’ people and doors with spacebar.  The game did not tell me this, and who in their right mind uses spacebar for anything other than jumping.  All the default controls were wonky.  I mean right click brought up the menus instead of switching to magic, so after another 30 minutes of remapping my controls I was able to complete character creation and start playing the game.

Of course all the mods I had installed were not optimized, so my frame rate was swinging between 200FPS and 15FPS, so I had to do some tweaking to get everything to stay above 30FPS.  I have never had a game that looks so bad, run so poorly, but after looking in to the forums I found out the frame rate is just a problem with Morrowind on PC in general, and not my mods.  It turns out 15 years ago developers couldn’t imagine a world with 100% draw distance.

Four hours in to my quest to play Morrowind something happened, I got lost in it all over again.  I just want to go home and play it now.  The combat mechanics are sketchy, the graphics didn’t hold up, and the story is still trash, but the world of Morrowind is still one of the best ever made.  Skyrim and Oblivion have normal generic fantasy worlds (Oblivion did have its gates I guess *shudder*) , but Morrowind with its mushroom forests, boggy swamps and gray deserts are so unique and imaginative that I want to see every nook and cranny.  It is so delightfully weird, and no game will ever match the shear amount of loot you can find and use.  SO MANY EQUIPMENT SLOTS!

Most of Morrowind has not held up well, but the world is still amazing, and the loot hound in me wants to make sure I have every slot of my character filled up with something magical.  I would pay sooooo much money for a new special edition of Morrowind, but I don’t think it is ever going to happen.  Morrowind is a game for the ages, and the game that turned me in to an RPG player for life.  If you have never played it, I doubt you would be able to look past its flaws, but for those of us who have 15 years of nostalgia built up, this is still one of the best RPGs ever made.