Month: November 2015

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Aziz Ansari Is Proving To Be More Than A Master Of None!

master-of-none

Netflix is continuing to ramp up its original programing with another sitcom.  This time from Parks and Rec alum Aziz Ansari.  Master of None manages to both be different than I expected, but very familiar.  Aziz is playing a more ‘real life’ charter, but one still based off his usual shtick.  You could almost call Master of None a ‘dramedy’.  It is like FX’s Louie, but less depressing.

Aziz plays Dev, a thirty something actor in New York City trying to figure out how to be a grownup.  Like HBO’s Girls it comes at adult situations from a less than adult point of view.  Also like Girls, Master of None earns its TV MA rating.  Aziz uses all the freedom being on a streaming site gives him.  For better or worse.

I don’t know if Master of None will be a hit like Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was, but it certainly fills a niche for Netflix.  I have to admit, I was a little skeptical that I would even enjoy watching a show about an R rated toned down Tom Haverford, but so far Aziz and crew have won me over.  We will see how I feel about it when I finish the series, but so far I like what I have seen.

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Shmee Infiltrates Ground Zeroes!

Metal Gear Solid V Ground Zeroes

Following the theme of me being really behind the times on video games, I am going to review Metal Gear Solid V.  No, not the Metal Gear Solid 5 that just came out to rave reviews, but the much smaller Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes that came out well over a year ago.  Why now?  You may ask.  Well, I can’t play Fallout 4 until tomorrow, and none of my friends were playing Halo 5 last night, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to waste a couple of hours sneaking around.

Taking place some time after Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater and the portable Metal Gear games, specifically Peace Walker, you take the role of Big Boss, not Solid Snake, on a top secret mission.  Okay, you are going by codename Snake, but just a different Snake.  If you are confused, you probably should be.  I am pretty sure that is the state Hideo Kojima wants you in at all times when you play his games.  Long story short, there are two people you need to rescue from Guantanamo Bay Cuba, so you do.

The story, besides being completely crazy, is a lot of fun.  Mostly because it is completely crazy.  I never had a clue what any of the people were talking about, and that might be mostly my fault due to the fact I have not played all of the Big Boss/Naked Snake Metal Gear games, but I am pretty sure that the over the top zaniness makes sure a lot of people never have any idea what is really happening.  We all just head over to Wikipedia and let it distil the important bits for us.

The reason you will play Ground Zeroes though is not for the story.  It is for the great stealth gameplay.  That doesn’t disappoint.  Creeping around in the shadows and choking guys has never been so much fun.  Plus this game is just one sandbox level.  Letting you complete the mission in any way that you see fit.  I tried to get in and out undetected, but while extracting the last person I gave up and threw the target in the back of a jeep and hightailed it out of Gitmo.  I did accomplish my goal of not killing anyone though.  The way you complete Ground Zeroes may be completely different.

The graphics are top notch as well.  Kojima Productions are (sadly were) known for being technical wizards, and this game shows it.  Really what sets this game apart is the wonderful lighting engine, and the texture work.  Good textures will let you get away with some pretty low polygon models, and if you look closely in Ground Zeroes you can see that is what is going on here.  The tires on the cars are practically pentagons, but the textures are so good that you don’t notice unless you are looking for it.

I can see why a lot of people were disappointed when this game came out.  It is short, and it used to cost $40.  Which is a lot for a game that took me a little less than two hours to play.  Still, the number of ways that you can complete the mission make me want to go back for more, and now that Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes is perpetually on sale, it is well worth the price of admission, or you could, you know, play the real Metal Gear Solid V.  Which I hear is pretty good.

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Happy Fallout 4 Day!

Sadly I don’t get to participate in Fallout 4 Day due to some Xbox Rewards Points not being deposited until Thursday, but I thought you should still get a review, and honestly it is the only review that matters: Conan’s Clueless Gamer!  It is a pretty hilarious video.  I am thinking that for as much as he hates stories and complicated systems, he is a big fan of action RPGs.  I also think he is getting much better at playing video games.  Anyway I won’t spoil it.  Have a watch for yourself.

I will see you all sometime next year when you all are finished with Fallout 4!  Just remember that War Never Changes!

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Shmee Is Turned Inside Out!

inside-out

Inside Out ended Pixar’s two year hiatus from feature films, and it is a return to form for the studio.  Their previous three outings, Monsters University, Brave, and Cars 2, were all fine films, but they were just not up to the bar that Pixar had set for themselves.  Inside Out is able clear that bar with the style and charm we have come to expect from the studio.

Inside Out gives the emotions that shape our personalities, well personalities.  The emotions that star in this film live inside the mind of an eleven year old girl named Riley (Kaitlyn Dias).  They are dominated by the happy go lucky Joy (Amy Poehler).  Who does all she can to make sure Riley is happy all the time, but things get harder for Joy when Riley unexpectedly moves to San Francisco.

As you would expect from a movie about emotions and memories, Inside Out is an emotional film.  You feel for Riley as she is moved away from everything she loves, and tries her best to stay in control of her feelings.  Watching this acted out through her various emotional personalities in her mind is funny, touching, and a little sad.  Between this movie and Big Hero 6, Disney has been doing its best to tug at the heartstrings with their animated movies.

The voice talent is all amazing.  Pixar is still the best studio at finding the best people to be in their films.  Other studios go out and get big stars for their films hoping to draw people in that way, but Pixar is smart enough to get the people that are really the best fit for the film, and their movies are always better for it.

3D animated movies are usually treats for the eyes, and while Inside Out is fun to look at and watch, nothing about it will blow you away.  This is a story based move, not a special effects extravaganza.  The colors are bright and they pop, but there is nothing that you will see that will wow you the way other animated movies have.  This is not a slight, but just something to be aware of.

Inside Out is a great film, and one that really brings emotional weight to an animated film.  Which is fitting seeing that the movie is about emotions.  It is good to see Pixar up its game and deliver a movie that lives up to its now prestigious name.

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The Paper (The Pen Part 3)

the-paper

The finale of The Pen!  You can read part 1 and 2, here and here! Or don’t…

I stood there trying to force myself to move, to speak, to do anything at all, but I was too scared.  These little humans looking at me expectantly, but still with so much animosity.  The girl that closed the door stepped closer, “You brought the pen.  You must be here to work on us.”  She reached in to her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me.  At first it seemed small, but the more I looked at it the longer it got.  It was the story of her life.

It was meticulously written, every detail about this girl was filled out.  Some things were scratched out and replaced, lines tweaked, but it was all there.  All but the end.  The story just stopped.  I looked at her, “what do you want me to do?”  As I said that the box grew cold, but I knew that it was the pen inside growing even colder.  “Finish us”, the girl said softly, “We need to be free.”  The pen went from cold to hot.  I was barely able to hang on to the box.  The pain was intense.

I wanted to say no, to flee this place, but their eyes went from angry to sad, so I grabbed the little nightstand and sat on the couch.  Then I mustered my resolve, and pulled the pen out of the box.  The pen was angry changing from hot to cold, shaking in my hand, but I was able to put the pen to the paper, and I wrote the line, “After a long and happy life, she died peacefully in her sleep.”  I looked up, and she was gone.  Seeing what had happened all the little people started pushing forward with their stories in hand.  Clawing and pushing their way towards me.  With every ending that I wrote, the pen would punish me more.  My hand ached.  I was both burned and frozen by the pen’s jade surface.  The pen grew heavier trying to force me to loose my grip.  Making each mark was a struggle.

The church was also changing.  The glimmer that had kept up its façade was unraveling, revealing crumbling walls and holes in the roof and floor.  It was falling apart around me.  The light that shone earlier was fading, and I was trying my best to write in the dark.  As the darkness grew so did a shadow.  It was slipping out of the office and creeping its way towards me.  Every story finished brought it nearer.  With only a few pages left to go it enveloped me.  I felt as though I was choking on its darkness.

As I finished the last tale the shadow collapsed on me.  I couldn’t move or see.  All I knew is that I was now lying on my back holding on to the pen.  The darkness was forcing its way down my throat.  The pain the pen was causing was so great that I was starting to loose all feeling in my left side.  My body was shutting down.  I had finished the stories and the pen was going to kill me for it.  Then I remembered that I had gotten gas before driving all the way out to Custer, so fumbling in the dark with all the strength I had left I pulled out the receipt and wrote on the back, “Suddenly the jade pen crumbled!”

I woke up some time later.  The church was just a shell, rotten and decaying, and there was a small mound of little jade rocks on top of my severely scarred  hand.   Their were pieces of paper strewn about.  I gathered them up and buried them in the jade box next to the “Condemned” sign outside the church.