Shmee Finds No Escape!

No-Escape

Well this is an odd turn, I get to tell you my thoughts on a movie before its official release.  Sure it is a movie almost no one has ever heard of, but still maybe this review will be of use to someone.  Hah! Who am I kidding no one reads this blog.  Anyway… the movie in question is No Escape by John Erick Dowdle, and being distributed by The Weinstein Company.

Businessman Jack Dwyer (Owen Wilson) needs to get his family out of a Southeast Asian country after a violent coup.  The militants are killing any foreigners or government loyalists they find on site.  The Dwyers will need to get lucky and have a little help from a foreign operative named Hammond (Pierce Brosnan).  Otherwise there will be No Escape! (See what I did there!  Pretty great if I do say so myself.)

That is pretty much the whole movie.  The Dwyers are chased by militants.  Basic plots can work well for films like this, but No Escape’s problem is that it can’t figure out what kind of film it wants to be: gritty thriller or jaunty action film.  So the tone is all over the place.  One second people are telling jokes, the next they are showing you something truly terrible.  It is kind of jarring.  If you are going to go gritty and dark go for it, make everyone gasp in horror, or if you are going for a light weight thrill ride, commit so the audience can settle in and enjoy themselves.

Since they pretty much cast a whole country as the villain they decided like halfway through the film to have Pierce Brosnan’s character just info dump what the coup was all about.  That way you can empathize with the horrible violence?  I guess?  Speaking of Brosnan, his character was definitely part of a jaunty action movie, and I think I would have liked his movie better: cracking wise and shooting bad guys.  It would have been clichéd as all get out, but fun.  Owen Wilson’s thriller was okay, but it was a little dull.  Based on some of Wilson’s jokes, I think he would have liked to be in Brosnan’s No Escape too.

One last thing I really have to mention, if you can’t handle shaky-cam filmography stay far away from this film.  My friend had a hard time getting though No Escape, and he ended up almost as sweaty as the characters on screen.  The camera shakes around so much it was hard to see what was going on.  Sure the fact that since seating was limited we had to sit right up front did not help, but sitting further back would have just made it a less nauseating blur.

In the end No Escape wasn’t a truly bad film it just couldn’t figure out what it wanted to be, and that kept it from being good.  I don’t regret watching this movie for free, so I guess my recommendation is to wait until it hits the streaming service of your choosing.  Due to the weak advertising campaign, complete lack of buzz, and late August release date you probably won’t have to wait long.

Non Humans Are On The Loose!

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AMC’s first short season of Humans has come to a close, and I have to say it was pretty great overall, though if you as ask me (you didn’t, but this is my blog, so I asked me) the last episode fell kind of flat.  Had they ended on episode seven it would left the show in a much more interesting place.  Though I understand that they needed to kind of put a bow on everything just in case Humans was not renewed.  Which it has, and I think that is fantastic.  More quality TV to waste away those long hot summer nights.

I am kind of hoping that Humans does feature some sort of robot revolution at some point.  It would be kind of interesting to watch man’s own creation doom them.  We will see how it turns out for the automatons next year.  It can only get better for them, I can feel it (it will get worse).

Disney D23 Finally Announces The Star Wars Theme Park!

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Even since Disney bought Lucas Film from George Lucas people have been waiting for the announcement that there would be more Star Wars based rides at Disneyland and Disney Word.  By people I do mean me (hey I am people jerk!).  Star Tours and Captain EO were definitely not enough.  Well that time has finally come!  We are getting a whole fourteen acre Star Wars based Land or World (depending on the park)!  After seeing the amazing things Disney did with Cars (my least favorite Pixar movie by the way), I can’t wait to see what they do with Star Wars!

All they have to do is get the Marvel rides license back for Universal, and I am sure that Marvel land is right around the corner!  I wouldn’t complain if they brought over the new Tron ride from Disney Shanghai either.  What Disney “Land” would you like to see next?

I Got An Indie Surprise With DeadCore!

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I love getting discounted bundles of games over at HumbleBundle.com.  When I got their most recent Bandai Namco Bundle, I thought I was paying $6 for Enslaved, Ace Combat, and Ridge Racer, but it turns out the game that I was really getting a deal on was DeadCore by 5 Bits Games.  This game didn’t even show up on my radar when it launched last October, so I had to go to the DeadCore’s Steam page to find out more about it.  It turns out it is a First Person Platformer/Shooter.  So kind of like Valve’s Portal, but nothing like Portal.

Portal is all about tweaking the physics of things and creating the titular portals, in DeadCore you are running and jumping at precise moments to try and climb higher and higher up a tower.  You use your gun to flip switches and temporarily turn off turrets and robots on your way up the tower.  I usually hate platformers, but the game’s flow, constantly daring you to go a little bit higher, is perfect.

DeadCore’s creators it seems share my love of Tron.  With the game’s art highlighted by clean neon lines.  This game will not push your graphics hardware, but it still manages to look great.  For a world that is apparently only populated by your character, you never are lacking things to look at.  Though you will be too busy perfecting your path through the next obstacle to care.  The music is also wonderful.  Again they seem to really be pushing the Tron vibe with their cool synth tunes.  DeadCore might be worth the purchase just for the music.

You still have a little time to pick this game up for very little money through HumbleBundle.com, but even if you missed out on that deal DeadCore is worth the full price of admission.  I just wish I had heard about it sooner.  DeadCore is now among my favorite platformers, and I hope I have convinced you to give it a try.

Why All Excitement Over The Non-Announcement Of Warcraft 4?

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So RTS (real time strategy) gamers everywhere lost their collective minds when Blizzard said they were open to making a Warcraft 4 once they shipped the third and final installment of StarCraft 2 this fall titled Legacy of the Void.  Now don’t get me wrong, the Warcraft games are super influential and they are thought of as some of the best ever made.  Plus without them Blizzard wouldn’t have had the universe for World of Warcraft, so I get that a new title in the franchise would be welcome news, but this is Blizzard we are talking about.  It has taken them five years to finish the StarCraft 2 expansions, and I shouldn’t even say that since Legacy of the Void hasn’t shipped yet.  There is still time for them to announce a delay.

Now to be fair I have never been a big RTS fan.  I am just not good at them and there are so many games to play that I never felt like I needed to invest the time to get proficient, so maybe I am just immune to the hype.  Still if Blizzard is just saying they are open to making a Warcraft 4 that means even if they do decide to make it, it will not be out for at least ten years, maybe more.  That is just the pace that this studio operates.  That means maybe my one year old daughter might be old enough to play it “should” it come out in our distant war torn future.  If you are excited for Warcraft 4, I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but I would take a deep breath and focus on other games for awhile.  Perhaps Total War: Warhammer could tide you over?